Learn 10 Key Elements to look for and avoid in a relationship. Set yourself up for a joyful life by making SMART choices, now.
Is He a Stud or a Dud?
Ok ladies it’s relationship-honesty time! Is your guy a Stud or a Dud? Is he a Keeper or a Creeper? Well ok, I don’t literally mean creeper – like he sits motionless watching you sleep for hours. Or maybe he does. IDK.
A Stud is the guy who just makes you feel, well – pretty awesome! The Dud is the complete opposite. Of course, he may have his moments, enough to convince some women to stick around – but generally he’s just a schmuck.
Whether you’ve been together FOR-everrr or just started dating – I can virtually guarantee that you already know the answer! Our intuition is THAT strong. We women always know on some level – if a guy adds to or subtracts from who we are. Right?
My non-scientific Stud or Dud quiz will really only underscore what you already know. Winking emoji. Oh, and if you want more good relationship guidance, check out my book 22 Badass Rules.
Think of it like the Stock Market
On a month-to-month basis, every relationship has little peaks and valleys. That’s just life. But annually (the overall BIG PICTURE!), a relationship either swings UP or DOWN. Did you buy stock in Apple (relationship swings UP) or Blockbuster Video? (Relationship swings DOWN). Wahh-Wahhhhhh.
Let’s Start!
5 Signs He’s a DUD
+ Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Speaking to and treating you disrespectfully.
+ Liar, liar pants on fire. Lying & dishonesty.
+ I’m the Boss of me. Controlling, jealous, emotionally unstable.
+ Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater. Cheating & wandering eye.
+ Umm, something suddenly came up. Unreliable, not true to his word.
#1 Speaking to and treating you disrespectfully.
If it’s pretty common for you to feel belittled, insulted, unimportant or 2nd best by the way a guy talks to you or treats you – then you have to check “yes” to this one.
Here’s the thing – the specific words or actions are not the only determining factor. The most important determining factor in a relationship is the way you generally feel around him the vast majority of the time. We women can justify anything, when we really, really want it to work, right? Don’t 2nd guess yourself. The way he makes you feel most of the time – is your answer. In the end, it’s about choosing someone who ADDS to your life – not someone who diminishes it.
#2 Lying & dishonesty.
Use your visceral (immediate) gut reaction as your Liar-Litmus-Test. Did your body immediately “red flag” the statement he just made, even before your brain had a chance to process it? That’s intuition – and you’re probably right.
Relationships have to be based on trust in the other persons words and actions. Do you really want to waste your precious energy wondering if he’s lying? Ugh!!! So needlessly exhausting, and it’s energy that is much better spent on your OWN positive life initiatives. Don’t waste it.
Bottom line, if it is enough to make you stop and take note, and not in a positive way, chances are it is meant to be your Red Flag. Stop, Drop and Roll…. RE-EVALUATE if this is what you want in your life.
#3 Controlling, jealous, emotionally unstable
A healthy relationship is one where you feel relaxed, peaceful and free to grow into everything you want to be. If that sounds like wishful thinking, and instead you’re living in a state of walking on eggshells, feeling on edge, controlled or afraid to be yourself for fear of an outburst of jealousy – this is not the person for you.
A guy who is grounded, confident and secure with himself, doesn’t even want to control you. He is confident in what he has to offer and extends a natural level of trust and latitude in the relationship.
#4 Cheating & wandering eye.
Who hasn’t had a boyfriend who constantly flirts with other women or has cheated. I’m not talking about innocently noticing someone attractive—that’s normal. We aren’t dead— right?
I mean the guy for whom cheating & flirting is “his thing.” You know it’s “his thing,” if it has become a source of contention in your relationship.
Situations like this inevitably turn into an unhealthy cycle of hurt, anger, drama—and constantly worrying about what he’s doing, where he is, checking up on him—you know. Don’t let your beautiful self, get sucked into a relationship that hurts and makes you feel bad about yourself. Badass women do not put up with bullshit!
#5 Unreliable, not true to his word.
If you had to answer yes or no, without qualification – just yes or no…. Is your guy reliable and true to his word? Can you depend on him to come through for you? Can you rely on him? If he says “I’ll take care of that”… do you feel at peace, knowing it’ll be taken care of? Yes or No?
A good relationship offers a solid foundation of reliability and dependability in a world that can many times feel unpredictable. It should feel like a safe-haven. We all want to have people in our lives we can depend on!
You will intuitively know if he’s unreliable and not to be depended upon, because it will resonate strongly within you— like the loud GONG of a bell. Just be honest with yourself!
Do you just know you’ve got a really a good one!? A complete Keeper? Then I’ll bet you totally do! Let’s have a little fun anyway – and look at:
5 Signs He’s a STUD
STUD’s (keepers!) by definition, are the opposite of DUD’s. So aside from treating you respectfully in both words and actions, he is also honest, has eyes only for you, is dependable and empowers you.
Telltale Signs He’s a Keeper!
+ He initiates, putting forth effort to demonstrate his love & appreciation.
+ He takes joy in doing sweet, little thoughtful things for you.
+ He handles conflict and adversity maturely, with kindness and grace.
+ He truly wants you to be happy.
+ He makes you feel safe.
#1 He initiates, putting forth effort to demonstrate his love & appreciation.
He shows his love and appreciation for you, putting forth the extra effort to initiate and plan fun dates and things he knows you will love. He makes the rezy’s, picks you up, handles the tickets, etc. Oh – and he pays. I know – suck it up buttercup. Let him do it. You’ll come out better in the end.
#2 He takes joy in doing sweet, little thoughtful things for you.
Sometimes it’s really just the little things that speak the loudest, and touch us the most. Oliver and I have been married 14-years. Every weekend, he still takes my car to get it washed and fills my gas tank, so that I don’t have to. Every morning, he makes my breakfast and a latte exactly the way I like.
It’s the little things. Does he consistently do nice little things that make you feel special, cared for and appreciated? Does he notice that you like tea, not coffee? Or 2 egg whites and 1 whole egg instead of all whites? Little things like that…..
#3 He handles conflict and adversity maturely, with kindness and grace.
Arguments and disagreements are a part of life – and a relationship. How he handles it, how he speaks to you during these times is major. A Keeper does not hit below the belt, hurling vicious insults or disparaging sentiments to you. It’s human to get angry sometimes – it’s douche-baggy to be verbally (and of course physically) abusive. A Keeper expresses his feelings, acknowledges yours – and seeks resolution.
#4 He truly wants you to be happy.
Through his words and his actions, it’s crystal clear that YOU and your happiness are his #1 priority. Yes, I’m serious – his #1 priority in life should be your happiness. Not his job. Not spending time with his buddies. Your happiness. ‘Nuff said.
#5 He makes you feel safe.
Safe. The word conjures up a number of images, as to what that means in terms of a good guy. To me, it’s an unspoken knowledge that no matter what happens in the outside world, he will take care of you. When laying your head down on the pillow each night, it is with the knowledge that he isn’t going to let anyone or anything hurt you. You deserve to feel safe, cared for and protected – and if you do… He is a KEEPER!
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