Mean Girls are like Chihuahuas. A lot of YAPPING and nothing to back it up. Don’t let them throw you off your game.
Mean Girls, Many Times Turn into Mean Women
I’d like to say that Mean Girls are, well….girls. Like, actual little girls in grade school or high-school who eventually grow out of it when they become mature adults & have the decency to feel bad for their behavior. Are you laughing yet?! I know – I said I’d like to say – but we all know that’s not the case, right?
In my experience, Mean Girls usually grow up to be Mean Women.
I’ll bet you’ve encountered 1 or 2 in your adult life, yes? I have – for sure! Listen – I’m not quoting national statistics on the subject, it’s purely an observation from my personal experience. And uh – they usually spawn evil little Mini-Me’s who perpetuate their legacy. Ugh.
6 things I’ve learned about the Mean Girl
1. She lives in every demographic & socio-economic group. No group is immune.
2. At a fundamental level, she is deeply unhappy with herself and her life. It is impossible to be authentically happy AND simultaneously mean & nasty to people. Impossible.
3. If you’ve been singled out, chances are she sees in you – what she lacks, and it drives her nuts. It makes her feel better to try to bring you down to her level. To strip you of your power.
4. She is by definition, extremely insecure. We all have insecurities – but the rest of us don’t lash out like the Mean Girl. Why? Because her insecurities run deeper – fueled by a highly competitive, jealous nature. That is a nasty combination to have.
5. She only has power if you engage & actually give a shit. Yes. It takes 2 to tango. The key to dealing with Mean Girls is this: Tell them to go pound sand. Disengage from the entire group or situation. Move on.
6. She’s just a regular human-being who happens to be an annoying little gnat. Not a scary monster with some bizarre superpower. Thinking of it that way makes it kinda laughable. IMO.
As grown women, it’s easier for us to combat Mean Girls for two reasons:
FIRST
As adults, we have the benefit of life experience, maturity and perspective. 3 important elements that young girls don’t yet have – making it all the more difficult & painful for them. As grown women, we can step back and think, “who died and made HER Hall Monitor?”
SECOND
We can choose to completely disengage. It’s not like you have to go to school everyday, and can’t avoid them. Mean Girls (Women), are probably associated with a group you’re a part of – whether it’s a social group, charity, team, etc. You can literally choose to disengage & walk away from it.
I too, have been the target of Mean Girls many times.
Listen, I know it’s not always that easy. It takes time, getting to a place where not only are Mean Girls not the least bit intimidating (to the contrary) – but you authentically don’t care about their antics and are able to see them for what they are: Silly, petty and not worth 1 unit of your precious energy.
How do I know? I have definitely been the target of Mean Girls, both in school – and Mean Women in adult life. Most recently a couple years ago, by an older woman close to my mom’s age. I know. WTF?
It used to really hurt my feelings. I couldn’t understand what I had done – or why they (usually the self-proclaimed ring leader & her fan group) were making up stories about things I had supposedly done or said. I just didn’t get it, and I’d wrack my brain trying to figure it out – retracing every word or action to no avail.
Here’s the thing: It is NOT you, it is them.
Mean Girl behavior is rooted in a deep, deep hatred of themselves and debilitating insecurities. So much so, that it can’t be contained within them and ergo, unleash nastiness on others. All they have to do, is make-up a reason to validate “hating” their target – and the game is on.
How to Deal: Master the Fine Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Yup. I said it and I mean it. This is hands-down one of the most powerful tools to have in your arsenal. The ability to rise above the negativity of other people’s insecurities that manifest themselves in hurtful words, comments or actions is life-changing.
When you are able to truly “get,” that her maliciousness is not directed at you, but at extreme discomfort with herself , it’s hard to feel hurt.
Think logically—what feelings do you really think are behind the mean-spirited comments?
Women who are happy and secure, cannot simultaneously be a Mean Girl. It is impossible. Jealousy, discomfort with themselves, unhappiness or discontent with their own lives, is amplified when they see someone else living in a way or doing something that they cannot. It then ignites feelings of anger and resentment which they take out on someone else.
When you are the target of unprovoked malicious words or comments from others, remember this example. Chances are, you are triggering something within the perpetrator that highlights or amplifies feelings of his or her own perceived inadequacies and discontent with life. When you understand this, it’s much harder to care or take their comments to heart.
Frightened dogs bark loudest
The Chihuahua and the German Shepard.
I thought of the perfect analogy when I was walking my dogs the other day. We were about halfway through the walk, just enjoying the sunshine and beach weather, when I heard the frenzied, high-pitched, squealing of what sounded like a small dog.
I looked to the other side of the street, where the yapping seemed to be originating. There, a tiny little yellow chihuahua was literally freaking out, shaking, barking as viciously as he could, trying desperately to lunge at another dog, despite the owner holding him back.
About 6 feet away from him, I saw the issue. Another neighbor was out, walking his very large German Shepard on the same side of the street. Despite the antics from the other dog, the Shepard was completely calm, and relaxed, cocking his head to the side, watching the show.
The Shepard didn’t utter a sound. He didn’t even flinch a muscle. He just looked at the Chihuahua like “What’s your problem?” Then when he’s seen enough, casually sauntered away to finish his walk. Chances are, had the Chihuahua kept quiet—the Shepard would’ve never even noticed him in the first place.
The moral of the story:
The Shepard knows his power. That’s why he is calm and relaxed. The Chihuahua also knows the Shepard’s power – and that is why he’s not relaxed.
Next time you get a whiff of Mean Girl-ness coming your way – be the Shepard! 😉
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